


Forgetting to Forget You

by I_ran_out_of_books



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amnesia, Angst, Arthur Pendragon Returns (Merlin), BAMF Merlin (Merlin), EMT Merlin, Fae arthur, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), M/M, Pining Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Pining Merlin (Merlin), Soulmates, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:08:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26298415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_ran_out_of_books/pseuds/I_ran_out_of_books
Summary: Arthur comes back from the dead but he isn't what he once was. It is up to Merlin to save him again for old time's sake. Meanwhile, Arthur is on a nefarious mission of his own and he must fight to protect Merlin from himself.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 32





	1. Chaos Theory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet the villains. Arthur returns and Merlin finds him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to my new work! Right now the amount of chapters is unknown but I'll update that asap.
> 
> If you like it stick around and leave a comment, those are writing fuel and I love to hear your thoughts on how to make the story better for everyone! Love y'all!
> 
> Disclaimer: The Old English in this is borderline gibberish. I used a gaggle of online translators and maimed a few sentences. My dearest apologies to those of you who posses talents with language. I am just not one of those people. I'll move them away from it soon enough, don't worry. :)

_The ground has turned cold and muddy underneath Merlin’s breeches. His knees are sinking into the aromatic forest floor as he leans forward to grasp Arthur._

_“Where have you been?” The King pants and he sounds pitiful and frightened. Accusing._

_Merlin doesn’t know what to say. I was on the bluff? I saw it all? I was there during the battle and still couldn’t save you._

_He’s holding Arthur’s wrist as Arthur grips his shoulder tightly like simply by touching Merlin everything will be alright again. Merlin struggles to open his mouth but he finds that it is sewn shut. Ghastly holes puncture above and below his lips, thick medieval thread criss crossing over the bloody mess and sealing his mouth tightly._

_Arthur shivers and his big blue eyes are round. He looks surprised by the fact he’s dying. It’s been hours since Mordred ran him through but his heart still cannot accept it. His shirt has turned to a stinking rust red as his wound seeps out life in the form of blood. “Where have you been?” He asks again._

_He won’t look away from Merlin and it’s as if he doesn’t notice the way his mouth is clamped shut. He’s waiting for an answer and the look in his face tells Merlin that he’s hurt but not by the wound in his flesh. He was waiting for Merlin to come and rescue him. He was waiting for his best friend to be by his side. Where had Merlin been?_

_Merlin doesn’t release Arthur’s shaking arm where his grip loosens by the second. He works his jaw, trying to pull his lips apart. Blood runs new and spills into his mouth, tangy and metallic. The thread at the left corner of his mouth snaps and he screams inwardly but won’t stop. He’s talking to Arthur though the words are little more than grunts and noise. He’s saying, “I’m sorry, Arthur. Please stay. I won’t leave you again I promise.”_

_Arthur never gets to hear his response. He falls limp to the dirt, his arm flopping out of Merlin’s grasp and smacking against his own chest._

_The screams Merlin lets out become garbled behind the stitches. He reaches for his magic to destroy the world but it’s gone. He sits on the ground, a pain unlike any other washing over him. The world disappears and all that he knows is the acute loss of Arthur. Without him there is nothing left._

Light blinds Merlin as he shoots up from his couch. He’s drenched in sweat and so are the cushions beneath him. He sits and leans his elbows on his knees digging his palms into his eye sockets to blur the image of Arthur’s body. He pushes the wet hair away from his forehead and stares blankly at his blurry reflection on the dark screen of his telly. Merlin hadn’t realized he fell asleep on the couch yesterday.

Without a word he rises and trudges toward the washroom, peeling his sweaty sleep clothes off his body and leaving a trail behind him. He walks right into the shower without turning on the light and blasts the cold water. It stings against his feverish skin and he relishes in the discomfort. Even now Arthur fades from his mind. The only place he can see him anymore is his dreams, his frail human memory let the King’s face turn fuzzy hundreds of years ago and he’s glad of it. He dreads the dreams, luckily they don’t happen that often anymore. Although, this past week has been brutal. He knew they came and went in bouts all he had to do was wait this out like he did the thousand times before. 

He turned off the spray of water and padded out onto the tiles with wet feet. His bare skin grew cool as he walked to his bedroom naked and without shame. It was a mess in there, 1500 years later and he still couldn’t keep his bedroom neat. A voice he used to know drifted in his ears, _Look what I found! A place for you to put your clothes. It’s called a wardrobe._ Despite himself he smiled. 

Across the room on his nightstand his phone rang. He knelt on the bed and reached, grabbing it and answering on the very last ring. Small beads of water ran off of him and onto the bed sheets. 

“Hunithson!” An older female voice rang down the other end, “We’re being called in for a Saturday shift.” 

Merlin let himself drop onto the bed, his groan muffled by the pillows. Still, his partner Wilma heard the sound. 

“That’s exactly what I said. It’s not like anyone will die if we don’t go to work.” 

He could hear her rolling her eyes. Merlin couldn’t help but chuckle because there was a pretty good chance someone would in fact die if they didn’t show up for work. He was a paramedic in this lifetime, he was sure Gaius would be proud of how good he was at his job. It’s not that he needed it, Merlin was pretty loaded what with having a millennium of accumulated wealth. Still, he enjoyed helping people and the fast pace of the medical field provided a perfect way to spend his days. 

“I’ll be right there,” he finally said. His voice sounded raspy and tired. 

“Nightmares again?” she asked. 

“No,” he lied, “I’ll be there and I’ll bring you a coffee.”

His deflection worked and just like that she’d forgotten to dig into his thousand year old wounds in an attempt to be a good friend. He hung up and began looking for his uniform which he’d discarded somewhere on the floor in the early hours of the morning. He could make today a good day.

\----------------------------------------------

Deep inside a crystalline castle the day way beginning for two beings of a different sort. The Fae queen sat upon her high backed throne. Her blue skin sparkled radiantly as the light glittered in through the windows. Umebasa, her tiger, lounged at the base of her throne. He stretched his haunches and purred, nuzzling one slender foot. 

Brileea was a recent ascension to the throne, her father dying after a long five thousand years of life. He left her with a kingdom, a sharky smile, and more brains than anyone would know what to do with. 

Footsteps bounced around the room and a man turned the corner. He was dressed as if he’d just stepped out of Versaille after a cup of tea with Louie. “You called for me, your highness,” he said and bowed lowly. 

“Stop being an idiot,” Brileea ordered, although without much bite. “As you know my father recently passed.” 

“Indeed. How unfortunate,” Eldrick answered, doing his best to sound mournful. 

“Yes. It’s even more unfortunate he didn’t do it sooner.” She brushed a strand of long white hair off of her shoulder. Her face remained impassive though her white slanted brows always made her look angry. Umebasa reared up on his hind legs and planted his head in her lap, demanding attention. She pet between his ears. “He did quite a lot of damage during his two thousand year reign.” 

Her right hand man smiled, two rows of perfectly sharp pearly whites on display, and threw all pretense of mourning out of the window glad they were done pretending to be better people than they were. “He was a fierce isolationist, Brileea, what did you expect from the old man?” 

“Over a millennium of isolation has only weakened the Fae and strengthened that damned Warlock. My father’s grudge has almost left us in ruin. After Emrys sealed the passageway between this world and the human world our magic began to die and my father did nothing.” 

“Sealed passageway means we can’t leave but it also means Emrys could not enter. Your father knew what he was doing.” Eldrick walked up to the throne and sat on the low steps that it rested on. He leaned to the side, resting his head on the tiger’s back. It purred, the vibrations shaking in his skull. “Besides, there is nothing we can do about it now.” 

Brileea stopped stroking the cat and stared ahead. “What if there was?” 

Now Eldrick sat up, recognizing that tone of voice that always meant trouble. “What does that mean?” 

“I mean there’s one being in Avalon who can still leave.” 

Eldrick and Brileea looked at one another, a plan forming between them. 

********

Away from the castle and all the lands in Avalon bobbed a lonely island. It held a castle of its own but instead of ornate crystal it stood the test of time in dusty white stone. Arthur sat on the shore of this island. Today, like most days, the lake was completely still. He liked these days the best because it was easier to see Merlin’s reflection in the water. 

Being able to see Merlin was a cruel gift from the Old King of the Fae. He’d found it hilarious to allow Arthur to see time pass but not experience it himself, see Merlin suffer but not be able to help. 

It was bitter sweet to watch snippets of Merlin here and there. They came in no particular order or length and rarely made sense. Merlin in silly clothes surrounded by equally silly people. Merlin in a horseless metal carriage. Merlin laughing, and crying, and screaming and sleeping. 

Arthur didn’t know how long he’d been on the island. Time here moved as of a dream; it felt impossibly long and short all at once. Arthur knew it was many years, however, because sometimes Merlin would appear with long white hair flowing behind him, a wizened beard sprouting from his chin. 

The clicking of heels echoed behind him and Arthur turned. The once tower turned mocking castle, “a castle for the King of Nothing” the Fae King had once said, revealed a woman at its doorway. 

She did not grace the grass with the pointy stiletto heels on her feet. “Evening.” 

“Evening,” Arthur replied. Even now he had a courtly manner deeply ingrained, but more than this he knew not to anger the Fae. His stay could be made infinitely worse, who knew his afterlife would be punishment? 

His response made her smile, her blue lips stretching over her face and her neon yellow eyes gleaming. “It’s time for you to stop lazing about, Arthur Pendragon.” 

“Pardon?” 

A laugh exploded over the water. He turned in shock to see another Fae, turned miniature as they did, zipping around atop the glass-like surface. 

“Don’t mind Eldrick, he won’t bite too hard.” She sat down on the step. “You must be wondering who I am.” 

Arthur’s eyes ran over her face, her long white hair with ornate braids. “I’m dead, not dumb. You’re the queen of this place.” 

Brileea laughed, “Why had I never visited you before? My father truly wasted his greatest resource.” 

“There isn’t really much use for me I’m afraid.” 

Eldrick landed on the grass next to Arthur and poofed back into life size, “On the contrary,” he said and gestured grandiosely as he laid back, “You’re the key to it all.” 

“What’s a dead man good for?” Arthur asked. 

“What is death good for?” Brileea countered stone faced. 

Arthur didn’t understand anymore but a bad feeling began to settle in the pit of his stomach. 

“Did you ever learn of your entire prophecy, Arthur Pendragon? It was said you were the Once and Future King. You were meant to return when Albion’s need was greatest. It was my father’s job to see to that.” 

The words felt ice cold as they hit Arthur. “What are you saying?” 

“I’m saying it was never your purpose to be trapped like a song bird in a cage. You should’ve been free hundreds of years ago.” 

“It’s been hundreds of years?” Arthur breathed. 

“It’s been a millennium and a half,” Eldrick chirped and tore tufts of grass out of the ground with an air of boredom. 

The bottom of Arthur’s stomach dropped away as if he were falling off a cliff. He’d been gone for more than a thousand years, everything he knew was gone. Everything except Merlin. “Why did he keep me here?” Somehow Arthur couldn’t muster up anger to surpass his shock. 

“Your Emrys and my father were never on good terms. He killed two of my father’s dear friends once. Actually you might’ve met them. Then after you died it was followed by hundreds of years of conflict between my father and Emrys. They had different ideas on how magic should be used. My father always thought human influence on the magical community made it impure, he proposed we enslaved the human race. Emrys did not and sadly he was always the more powerful of the two. He sealed the way between the two worlds knowing only you could pass between them, sentencing us to death without access to the Earth’s magic. My father found his revenge in you. Emrys paid for his loyalty to the human race with your absence.” 

Arthur scrambled to his feet startling Eldrick beside him, “What the hell am I still doing here? Your father is dead. Release me.” Everything and everyone he’d loved had been taken from him by some doddering old fool with a grudge. Well, almost everything, he would not be losing Merlin too. 

“Of course,” she relented, surprising Arthur, “I would never waste an opportunity like this. I will make my own destiny. This Kingdom will not crumble under my rule as Camelot did yours.” 

Eldrick stood now and rolled his shoulders, lolled his head back and side to side to loosen up. He stood on one leg and pulled at each foot in turns stretching his hamstrings. “You’ll owe me for this,” he aimed at Brileea and shrank with a _pop_. 

Arthur backed away. He had no weapons here and he could tell from the shift in tone he would be needing one. 

"Do you recall your friend Elena?” Brileea asked and paper thin wings appeared from behind her, twitching with excitement. 

The blonde princess's face popped into his mind. First surrounded by fly-aways and snorting in laughter. Then, free of the Fae inside of her, orderly and refined. Then he understood. 

Eldrick sped toward him too fast to see, seemingly disappearing in thin air. Before Arthur could think of what to do the Fae was crashing through his ear drum and burrowing in his head. 

“AHH!” Arthur screamed and fell to his knees. Blood trickled a dark path out of his ear and down to his jaw. 

“Her possession wasn’t as harsh,” Brileea spoke, her eyes sparkling as Arthur clawed at his ear, “But you’re an adult so it isn’t quite as easy.” 

He fell panting on his side like a sick animal, a stabbing pain in the back of his skull as Eldrick skulked around for a place to settle. Arthur couldn’t focus on her words, he was losing … something. He couldn’t think. What was he doing again? What was happening? It was important. Sleep tugged at his eyelids and began to numb his mind. 

“I’m going to give you back,” Brileea’s voice echoed in his ears, “And you’re going to bring him back to me.” He fell asleep. 

\--------------------------------------

An hour later it was 8:00 AM and Merlin was sitting in the passenger seat of the ambulance trying to take a sip of his black coffee as Wilma sped through the streets and rounded a corner with sirens blaring. The call had come into the radio mere minutes ago and poor Merlin had no time to eat breakfast before it was time to save lives. Being a hero was selfless work. 

“When we get there you should approach first,” Wilma said and blew a corkscrew curl of ginger hair away from her eyes. She took a hard right. 

Coffee sloshed onto Merlin’s lap. He grimaced and popped the lid back on before placing it in the cup holder. “Why do I have to do it?” He whined. It wasn’t a true complaint, he lived for this stuff and quite frankly so did Wilma. In their line of work you needed to want to help people even if it meant risking yourself a little. 

“Because if he starts to throw punches again it’s for the best the pretty one stays at a safe distance.” 

Merlin snorted and took mental inventory of how much gauze they had in the back of the truck, they didn’t have restraints and he might have to fashion some as barbaric as it might seem. The call had been radioed in as backup for the police; it had started as a simple public disturbance code that quickly unraveled. When the police arrived they were expecting the druggie that the shopkeeper reported, it would be simple enough to throw him into a cell at the station until he sobered up some. Or at least it should’ve been. 

The police arrived to find a man wearing strange clothing yet they could barely make out the rough fabric and the blood stains through the thick layers of what looked to be mud. He was sopping wet, his hair plastered to his skull with mud as well. His face was dirty with only flashes of pale skin shining through, his eyes wild and dangerous. 

“Hey lad, what’s your name? We’re here to help you,” One of the officers said and approached with a hand on his pepper spray and the other up in the air to show the man he was willing to be reasonable. 

The man didn’t speak but his expression hardened as his eyes jumped between the officers supply belt and his face. 

“Something’s off,” said officer Williams, who remained by the patrol car. He scratched at his salt and pepper beard that stood in high contrast with his dark skin. He’d been a cop for twenty years and he knew a thing or two. This man didn’t look high, he looked … terrified. Terrifying too. 

Officer Johnson continued getting closer, the man backed up until his back hit the red brick wall behind him. Then he opened his mouth and spoke. 

Officer Williams and Officer Johnson froze for a moment as the stranger spit out sentence after sentence in complete gibberish. His tone left it clear whatever he said was serious to him. Maybe he had a head injury that was causing the odd behavior. 

“Are you hurt?” Officer Williams asked, trying to call the man’s attention away from his partner. Blue eyes landed on his, as clear as the sky above. The look sent a chill down Johnson’s spine, there was something feral there and for a moment he felt as if he weren’t looking at a person at all. Whatever this thing was in front of them it was no normal human being but he quickly shook the preposterous idea away. 

Officer Johnson took the diversion as an opportunity. He lunged forward in an attempt to grab this dirty and blood stained druggie before he could run off and hurt someone else or himself. 

The man dodged the lunge easily, used the cop’s momentum to send him crashing into the wall face first. He spun around and hit the officer twice in the kidneys as hard as he could. The cop fell to his knees, holding his lower back, grunting and gasping in pain. 

The stranger turned but before he could take off running there was a brown hand in his face holding an oblong canister. He heard the spray before he felt it. Pepper spray straight into both of his eyes; in seconds they began to burn as if someone heated a spoon and attempted to scoop them out. He yelled out in agony and fell to his hands and knees, sat back on his heels and rocked back with his hands feverishly wiping at his eyes. 

An officer, one who the man couldn’t see, was twisting his arms behind his back, pushing his chest flat against the ground. He yelled out and cursed but still the men with their funny clothes and chemical sprays understood nothing and refused to stop. Handcuffs clicked around his wrist. 

By now the officers had radioed the assault in and as his face was pressed to the gravel he heard screeching in the distance. Through the blur of tears he saw a giant blob with flaring colors nearing, it must’ve been some sort of monster. It cried in a high pitch as it neared, he fought against the weight on his back to get away from this new creature that was sure to be his demise but he remained plastered to the ground. 

From his seat in the ambulance Merlin saw the officers and the man. He sat up straight and readied himself to jump out when they entered the lot. The call had warned the man was violent and most likely having a bad trip on something. The ambulance slowed and Merlin was opening the door and running over before it actually stopped. 

Merlin knelt next to the man on the floor who continued to thrash around like he was fighting for his life. His eyes were red and irritated and scrunched closed against the pain. His voice was deep and raspy and desperate. Merlin tried to force an eye open to flash a light in there, see if maybe he hit his head. His pupils respond correctly to the stimuli, they don’t look dilated or like the little pinpoints Merlin had learned to recognize on his many calls to help people on the verge of OD’s and general drug binges. 

The man screwed his face away from Merlin’s hands. “Ályne me hw¯æðer ððe ic pro scêad slêa êower!”

The phrase skewered through Merlin’s stomach and made his hands freeze mid way to his medical bag. His ears had heard the man before but they hadn’t registered the sounds as having meaning, now the words got through. This man wasn’t high and he wasn’t speaking gibberish, this man was speaking Anglo-Saxon. 

“Arthur,” Merlin whispered. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Officer Johnson asked. Officer Williams was sitting on the ground leaning against the wall still holding his kidneys and looking very grumpy. 

Merlin heard nothing only felt the way his heart tried to crawl up his throat and out onto the pavement. “Arthur?” Merlin said and grabbed onto the wide shoulders of the man who still refused to stop fighting. At the contact he turned onto his side throwing the officer off and rolling onto his feet. He began running. 

Wilma came out from the other side of the ambulance and tried to intercept him, she had a look on her face that said she knew she was going to take a hit but she stood her ground and outspread her arms. It was the equivalent of trying to catch a shark in a butterfly net. He ran straight at her and at the very last second ducked so that his shoulder rammed her hips and she flipped over his back. She yelled and fell with a thud. 

“ARTHUR!” Merlin finally screamed at the top of his lungs. The name seemed to echo even though they stood in an open lot. 

The running man paused like the name was the magic word to paralyze all his muscles. He stood frozen in place, his shoulders rising and dropping with harsh breath. He bowed his head and did not turn to look at who yelled that name. 

Merlin turned to Wilma who was slowly standing back up, she waved him off hurriedly and gestured to the stranger her partner apparently knew. The cops were running over ready to catch the assailant who now attempted escape. 

“No no no,” Merlin said and waved his hands desperately, “I know this man. He’s not high! He’s not alright, he isn’t normally like this. He must be injured.” 

The cops slowed and stopped a few feet before reaching Merlin, Officer Williams helped Wilma to her feet. “You have a minute to calm him down or I’m tasing him. He’s assaulted an officer of the law and a paramedic already, I can’t just let him go.” 

Merlin nodded and turned back to the man who he used to know. His entire body shook at the sight of that silhouette he was sure he’d never see again. He still had the body of a knight and his power showed in his stance even now. He was covered from head to toe in grime, almost unrecognizable. 

“Arthur,” Merlin repeated and inched closer, “It’s me, Merlin.” 

Now Arthur did turn but his face wasn’t like Merlin had imagined it would be when they saw each other again. He dreamed that Arthur would look at him and he would smile and cry and they would clutch each other in a fierce embrace. Now all he got was blue eyes peeking at him through clotted bangs, there was no joy or fondness. 

“Arthur?” said the wild man Merlin once knew like the back of his hand. It was a word that tugged at something inside of himself but he didn’t truly understand what. Regardless it was the first thing that seemed to make sense since he opened his eyes that morning. 

“ðættes êower nama,” Merlin replied in broken Old English. It was a skill he hadn’t needed to possess for centuries. It seemed like Arthur didn’t know who he was and Merlin tried his best to explain that was his name. It broke his heart to think that Arthur woke up all alone and now stood in this world that sometimes didn’t make sense to Merlin even though he lived in it. How terrified and alone he must be. Then his dream came flashing back to him, _Where were you?_ Arthur had asked him with tears in his eyes. Merlin had let Arthur down again, somehow allowing him to come back all on his own so that he was corralled by the police like an rabid dog by animal control. 

“Do you remember me?” Merlin asked, now standing next to Arthur. 

Arthur didn’t run away or make a single sound, instead he inspected Merlin with those calculating eyes. He drank in every aspect of Merlin, his stance, his clothes, his tone. “Yfel ðearf gêoc.” 

“Yes, I will help you,” Merlin agreed and nodded trying to speak clearly past the lump in his throat. “Yfel spell byrg êow,” he repeated hoping to the Gods Arthur could understand him. 

“Yfel full−fremman nâ ongietan thither yfel am,” Arthur whispered. He was unbearably lost and this man with kind eyes and kinder words was the only one who seemed to listen to him. 

Merlin stepped closer, “Arthur, do you remember me?” He asked again, finally laying a slow hand on Arthur’s bicep, “It’s me, Merlin.” He knew his eyes were watering but he couldn’t help it, never in his life had he seen Arthur like this. 

Arthur looked down at the hand on his arm. It felt warm through his tunic and some of the awful terror that plagued his being melted away. Something about this man … Merlin, made Arthur calm down. He was the first one to treat Arthur like a person instead of some filthy monster who had to be shooed away. “Merlin,” Arthur said and it came out uneven and broken, surprising Arthur himself. 

A second ago the world was trying to end Arthur and he felt nothing but anger and fear, but now? Something about Merlin and his touch made Arthur’s throat grow tight and he wanted to cry. He tried to steady his breathing. 

“Come with me,” Merlin whispered and wrapped his fingers further around Arthur’s bicep, pulled him closer and supported his tired frame against his own side. 

Arthur smelled terrible and Merlin had to resist the urge to hug him and never let go. He felt Arthur tense up as he neared the ambulance. Wilma walked past them and opened the doors to the back, she stayed professional but Merlin could feel her eyes running back and forth between Merlin and Arthur. Who was this mysterious man that Merlin never mentioned? Was he mentally ill? 

Merlin tried to coerce Arthur to enter the truck but he locked up right before the step. 

“Come on,” Merlin borderline cooed. “Sê is onwealg.” 

Arthur wouldn’t budge. He rooted in place like a thousand year elm tree and pushed back against Merlin. His wrists moved trying to pull at the handcuffs. “Nânne! Nânne!” 

“Arthur, please,” he said and tried to keep his hold on Arthur’s bicep but Arthur was far stronger and his agitation filled with the frenetic energy that led him to violence that first time. Merlin couldn’t use magic here in front of two police officers and his coworker. A small part piece of him taunted, _You haven’t practiced magic in so long you may not even be able to._

Wilma appeared on Arthur’s other side, before Merlin could so much as say a word Arthur groaned and looked down at her, his eyes widening in shock. “Merli-” Arthur garbled out and then he was falling heavy against his side and sliding to the floor. 

Merlin looked up and saw the syringe in Wilma’s hand. “I didn’t give him much. Just a few cc’s so he can sleep on the way to the hospital. He could attack either one of us once the doors are closed.” 

“He wouldn’t!” Merlin cried, clearly distressed as he fell to his knees beside Arthur. 

Wilma’s mouth hardened. “He already has.” 

It was then Merlin saw the scrapes on her knuckles and the dirtied knees of her uniform. He swallowed, feeling guilty for disregarding her but his very soul was thrashing around inside himself. The last time Arthur had slid like that to the floor and rested in Merlin’s arms he’d been gone for a millennium, he never wanted to see Arthur like that. 

Her face softened, “Come now, let’s pick him up. I’ll drive, alright?” 

Merlin recognized the voice she was using, it was the tone she graced her upset patients with. He was grateful for her instructions for he felt he’d never been more lost than this moment. Arthur was back and nothing seemed real. 

When they arrived at the hospital Arthur was admitted and Merlin hung around like a gnat to rotting fruit. Arthur was not moved more than an inch without Merlin there. 

Now Arthur lay in a white hospital bed, wiped clean and bandaged up from all the places he’d scraped himself fighting the cops and Gods know what else. His left cheek bone was grazed pink from Officer Williams pushing his face into the ground. Merlin wanted to go on a rampage as he laid eyes on Arthur but he couldn’t leave his side even to exact revenge, or pee. 

He’d been admitted instead of arrested much to Merlin’s relief … sort of. The doctors busied themselves poking and prodding at the Once and Future King, taking fMRI’s and bickering about what was wrong. Arthur was burning up and the doctors worried it could be meningitis. His fever and confusion certainly pointed them in that direction and his imaging's showed what seemed to be inflammation. Merlin remained quiet through it all until the tornado of doctors and tests slowed to a trickle. Something was wrong with Arthur because of course there was. Merlin allowed himself to remain shut off from hope, Arthur may have woken up simply to die again. He supposed it had been quite some time since Destiny decided to kick him right in the jewels. 

Merlin’s bladder was close to bursting when Arthur’s eyelids finally began to flutter. He lunged forward from his seat next to the bed and grabbed a hold of Arthur’s hand. “Please wake up,” he whispered, pressing the warm hand in his own. Real flesh and bone. So much for not hoping. Merlin watched expectantly but Arthur slept on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk what this is so y'all are gonna have to bare with me. I don't have a posting schedule because let's be honest with ourselves, I am sick and there's no way I can post super often. Still, I've had this idea crawling around my noggin and it's not quite metamorphosed but she's gettin' there. I usually prefer canon era to modern Au's but I want to try my hand at exploring their existence in the modern world!
> 
> I'll try and keep the chapters short like this one to increase posting. This is going to have a high chapter count so strap in!
> 
> And again Thanks for reading!


	2. The Gift of the Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur go home.

Arthur dreams of a blonde woman in a castle. Her face is kind but she’s rumpled and awkward, on her way up the castle steps she trips and curses loud enough for everyone to hear. Arthur is a prince here and his father the King so he can’t laugh. Still, he risks a side glance at his manservant. Merlin is hiding his amusement well, the gleam in his eye his only tell. 

“Sorry,” she says too casually, rambles, “I’ve always been such a klutz. Just ask my lady,” and gestures behind her. 

There stands an old woman but she’s got spots on her face and a retractable frog tongue. The woman doesn’t notice her nanny is a creature. She coughs and pardons herself instead as if that’s the crazy thing. 

“It’s quite alright,” the King says and stretches out an elbow for her to hold. Arthur can tell he’s good at this. 

She reaches for him but only coughs again and again and in a moment she’s no longer coughing; she’s choking. 

Now they’re inside of the castle in her rooms. Arthur kneels beside her, “Spit it out!” he begins to yell although he doesn’t know what ‘it’ is. 

She gags and chokes till finally her mouth fills with something blue and she’s retching it out onto the floor. It’s a little blue body, humanoid except for the wings and blue skin. He stares at the wet clump of it, the crumpled wings. He feels as if in the bile covered limbs an answer is meant to appear but he can’t find it. He doesn’t even know what question he’s meant to be asking. 

“Please get up,” Merlin says from above him. 

When he looks up Merlin is radiant. The sun is rising behind him, it’s rays embracing him in a halo of light. His pale skin is milk against the jet black of his hair. His cheeks are rose petals, his eyes precious stones. The very sight of him feels like too much for a man to bear. Arthur can’t look directly at his radiance anymore. 

Merlin’s voice turns to a steady beep, the castle melts away into whiteness. 

As Arthur flutters his eyes open he finds himself in an alien place that is familiar and foreign all at once. It’s sterile and there are boxes that beep and light up. Needles prick his arms. His throat feels like sandpaper. 

“Arthur!” someone cries next to him. 

He turns to see the man of his dreams, or better said the man from his dreams. Only here there is no God-like beauty. This man is thin and ghostly, his hair is shaggy around his ears and flops over his forehead. A five o’clock shadow furs his jaw and chin and his under eyes are bruised purple. He looks terrified. 

“Merlin?” Arthur asks, trying to understand how he knows that name, where he is and what’s going on. 

Instead of an answer he gets a hug. Merlin has thrown his arms around his shoulders, is squeezing so tight Arthur’s breathing is constricted. The man is saying things, rapid fire, in between sniffles but Arthur doesn’t understand. It’s all noise to him. He tells Merlin as much and doesn’t hug back. 

Merlin finally relents, understanding he will have no arms around him in return. He hadn’t wanted to deal with this but he would have to if Arthur was going to live in the 21st century.

Long ago Merlin perfected the spell for language learning but now his palms grew sweaty when he thought about practicing it. He hadn’t done magic in over 90 years, he just hadn’t had the need to, and quite frankly when you’re immortal 90 years pass by a little too quickly. Like any other muscle, magic gets rusty if you don’t practice it. Merlin was afraid he wouldn’t be able to do it.

However, there was no better time than the present to either succeed or fail spectacularly. Merlin sat back down in his chair and scooted closer to the hospital bed where Arthur inspected him silently, sizing him up. Merlin lifted his hands so Arthur could see them, slowly he placed them on Arthur’s temples. The blond simply stared at him with furrowed brows like he didn’t know why he was letting all of this happen but he did not move away. Merlin closed his eyes and tried to recall the spell he once knew so well. It had no words, Merlin had made it up, but he did have to think the right things or he might fry Arthur’s brain more than it seemed to be. 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, drew magic up out of the dirt, past concrete, through electric wiring through tiles through the rubber soles of his shoes and into himself. The power flowed to his hands and like a river, washed the knowledge along with it. 

For a moment in time Merlin was drunk with magic, with the feeling of it’s flow in his veins. His eyes burned that old gold he had forgotten about. Yet after the initial high slowed he found his energy was draining quickly, almost as quickly as the magic that flowed into Arthur’s temples.

Arthur’s breath caught in his chest, meaning began to flourish before his very eyes. Everything Merlin knew about the English language was falling into him, burning new pathways in his brain. He couldn’t help but cry out, thrash in the bed. 

Merlin yanked his hands back, “Oh God! Arthur!” he yelled, afraid he did this all very wrong. 

A nurse ran into the room, “Everything alright? His vitals were going haywire for a second.” She didn’t wait for Merlin to answer before she was closing in on Arthur and inspecting him herself. 

“I’m alright,” Arthur croaked. His words came out strange and new and made his stomach flip. 

She looked down at him and smiled. “We’re glad you’re awake. I’ll page Dr.Khatri and he’ll be in soon.” She nodded at Merlin before leaving the room. 

In seconds Merlin was standing over Arthur. “You’re talking! Are you OK?” 

“I’m not sure … Merlin. That is your name, right?” Arthur asked although he was pretty sure he knew. He couldn’t get used to the sound of his voice speaking English. Apparently neither could Merlin because several different emotions flitted over his face. 

“Yes, that’s my name.” Merlin felt like his heart deflating from the joy he had moments ago when Arthur awoke. He couldn’t help himself, “So you don’t remember me?” 

“I’m afraid not. Should I?” Arthur knew the answer to that one too. Not all the way, he wasn't lying when he said he didn’t remember Merlin but he knew he should. Something inside him, something separate from his mind told him Merlin was very important. 

Merlin gave him a flimsy smile, “We’re friends.” 

It felt wrong to Arthur, too insignificant a word but he didn’t really know if that was the case so he looked away and stared at the white wall with a poster that read ‘On a Scale of 1-10 How Bad Is Your Pain?’ 

“Where am I?” he asked instead. 

“The hospital.” Merlin watched as a crease formed between Arthur’s brows. He wanted to smooth it away with his fingertips. 

“A place where sick people go,” Arthur explained to himself. “Am I sick?” 

Merlin wanted to cry but he didn’t let it show. “Maybe. Most likely.” 

The blond raised his arms and surveyed the IVs. “Merlin, I’m going to tell you something but you can’t tell anyone else.” For some reason he was sure he could trust the man standing next to him. He cared for Arthur, he could tell by the way he looked as if he could barely breathe while Arthur was in that bed. 

“What is it?” Merlin took a step closer, leaned down a fraction to share in the conspiracy. 

“I can’t remember anything. Anything at all. I don’t know who I am. Where I live. I don’t know how I got here. I can’t remember, no matter how much I try.” 

A cold shock went through Merlin, This was somehow worse than he had predicted. He began to recall the stresses of his youth, running around under destiny’s thumb, trying to make the best out of a bad situation. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you. We’re friends.” He repeated that phrase like if he said it enough Arthur might believe him.

In a second Arthur felt better, in fact he felt great. The pain and fever seemed to melt away, like his body accepted whatever was going on and soothed itself back to peace. In truth this was the worst thing that could happen, it only meant Eldrick was settling in further and his hold burying itself deeper. Arthur had no clue and rejoiced.

Still an overwhelming urge came over him. This urge was actually the will of the Fae trapped inside of him, growing stronger in his control as the time passed. This was how the Fae controlled their host, through impulses. They got so strong at one point that the host could not resist, and every minute Eldrick was growing his strength in Arthur. He sent another wave through him. “Merlin I want to leave.” 

Eldrick needed to get Arthur out of there before the human doctors somehow stumbled upon him. Sure he was magical, but he was also a physical entity intruding in his host body. Technology rivaled magic in certain ways and in this one Eldrick was in a losing battle.

“What? No Arthur, you’re sick.” 

Arthur reached for Merlin’s hand, clutched it in between his clammy palms. “Please, Merlin. I thought we were friends.” 

Merlin stood paralyzed, looking at their hands. Real flesh and bone. Real flesh and bone. Arthur was asking him for something, how could he say no? 

\--------------------------------------------

The flat which Merlin called home was on the second floor. Arthur, still in his hospital gown and Merlin who carried most of their weight looked up the stairs as if it were Mount Everest. Sneaking out with Arthur in a wheelchair had been surprisingly easy but Merlin refused to steal it and so he left it at the hospital exit and took a cab home. Now he debated going up the stairs or sleeping on the sidewalk forever. 

“Piggy back ride?” Arthur asked. 

“I don’t think you’re strong enough to carry me,” Merlin quipped and tugged on Arthur’s waist to start climbing the stairs. 

Arthur's arm was strewn over Merlin’s shoulders and Merlin held him plastered to his side by the waist. Arthur grabbed hold of the railing with his left hand and Merlin supported himself against the wall with his right. Together they took it step by step. A stiff breeze blew by and tugged at Arthur’s gown exposing his behind. A dog whistle came from behind them. 

“Merlin!” Arthur cried although he wasn’t sure what he even expected the man to do. Arthur let go of the railing and tried to hold his gown closed against the breeze. 

Merlin turned to find the culprit of the catcall but forced Arthur to fall against him instead, chest to chest against the wall. 

“Who is this young man?” came an old woman’s voice. 

He saw then it was his neighbor Mrs. Prichett, long time widow and longer time pervert. She’d pinched his own bum once or twice. At the moment he had half a mind to turn her into a tic. “Just go around us,” Merlin said, glaring through her. Old age was no excuse in his book. 

She walked past with eyebrows raised at the speed of a tortoise but still somehow faster than they’d been climbing the steps. All the while Arthur stared straight up avoiding having to stare directly into Merlin’s face. He could feel Merlin’s heart hammering against himself and he wondered why. For a moment he pondered if he hadn’t made a mistake in trusting Merlin, perhaps he was leading him into a trap of sorts and that’s why he was so nervous. 

Arthur looked down only to see Merlin too was avoiding eye contact, staring off somewhere behind Arthur’s shoulder. His face remained completely calm and stone like but it was his large ears that gave him away. The very tips had turned pink and Arthur couldn’t help the way joy flared in him just a little. Merlin wasn’t bad, he was just shy. 

As a favor Arthur backed away and held onto the railing once more now that Mrs. Prichett was far ahead. “I hate hospital gowns,” he muttered. 

“Not as much as Mrs. Prichett,” Merlin shot back sarcastically. 

Arthur couldn’t help but chuckle and the two shared a brief meeting of eyes, small smiles on both of their faces. It felt like meeting someone for the first time and knowing you were going to like them. 

Making it to the door was a feat and Merlin's reward was getting to hear Arthur speak some more. He sounded posh with his new accent even when he was asking dumb things. He’d forgotten how curious Arthur was. 

“This is your flat?” Arthur asked, trying out the words and liking how they felt in his mouth. He couldn’t help but shoot Merlin a smile. 

Merlin smiled back, butterflies exploding in his stomach at that thousand watt smile he’d missed out on for a thousand years. He swallowed hard and forced himself to look away and ignore the heat of Arthur’s side as he opened the door. “It’s no castle but it’s home.” He pushed the door closed behind them with a foot and walked them to the living room. 

Flashbacks of his dream came back to Arthur. “Have we ever been to a castle?” Somehow it didn’t feel like a silly question. 

“A long time ago.” 

They flopped tiredly onto the couch. Arthur felt better but his energy was low, what with having a near parasite stuck into the base of his brain. For his part, Merlin was still drained from doing magic at the hospital. He was surprised just how much it’d taken out of him. 

“How do you feel?” 

“Better …” Arthur answered, “But nothing makes sense. Not even the things I think I know.” 

Merlin huffed, he was too tired and old to do this. “Like what?” 

Arthur hesitated, “In the hospital … was that magic?” He knew it should’ve been preposterous but something in him told him that Arthur and Merlin had always been a little weird. Very weird even. 

“Yes,” Merlin said simply. 

“Oh. Is that normal then?” 

Merlin pondered the question. “It is for me. But keep that secret in the way I’m keeping yours.” 

That seemed a fair trade to Arthur. “Merlin,”

“Yeah?” Merlin turned to look at Arthur’s profile. The perfect slope of his nose, his pouty pink lips. 

“I have to piss.” 

Merlin burst into laughter. Interesting choice of words. He never thought he’d hear that from Arthur in modern English. He could hardly believe Arthur was sitting on the couch where Merlin had dreamed of him hours before.

“Stop laughing you insolent arse!” Arthur blanched at himself, unsure of where the bravado to be so rude came from. “My apologies,” he rectified sheepishly. 

This sent Merlin into hysterics. He was never going to let Arthur live any of these things down. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. “I’ll take you … you insolent arse.” 

Arthur reddened but his heart rejoiced. They were friends, weren’t they? Otherwise the feeling of safety and comfort would make no sense. 

After a bathroom session followed by a “How to Flush The Toilet and Use The Tap,” tutorial Merlin was left with a shivering Arthur. “Come on,” he said and led him by the elbow to his bedroom. He sat Arthur on the edge of the bed and began to rummage through his drawers. 

“It’s quite the mess in here.” He looked around the room that looked like it’d been looted recently. 

Something in Merlin’s chest constricted. “Yes it is.” He turned back around with a pair of boxers, sweats, and a cotton t-shirt. He placed them next to Arthur. Suddenly nerves overtook him and he couldn’t get near the blond. “I’ll leave those there for you to get dressed in.” He scurried out of the room and closed the door behind him. He leaned against it then, eyes closed and kicking himself but he just couldn’t do it. He hadn’t been near Arthur in a thousand years and now he was supposed to dress him? Not to mention they no longer had that familiarity or the need for it. Merlin was no one's servant nowadays. 

“Merlin?” Came Arthur’s voice from inside the bedroom, sounding small. 

“Yeah?” He momentarily cringed, realizing he gave away the fact he was still right outside the door. 

Arthur didn’t seem to mind. “I hope this isn’t too much to ask but … I think I need your help.” 

Sweat bloomed on Merlin’s palms and his heart beat in his ears. If Arthur needed him then Merlin would be there. He steadied himself and walked back into the room only to stop at the sight of Arthur gloriously naked, covering his privates with the balled up gown. 

“This is really embarrassing,” Arthur murmured, “But I’m not sure I remember how to put these on.” There was distress in his voice, the evidence of a man with a lot or pride losing little bits of his dignity. 

Merlin’s heart melted and all his nervousness went away. “Like usual I’ve got this. You’ve always been useless at dressing yourself.” 

The comment stood out to Arthur. What kind of friends dress each other? He watched as Merlin moved with practiced ease. First he grabbed the boxers and knelt in front of Arthur who continued to cover his modesty. Merlin placed them almost on the floor, “Okay now step into the leg holes.” 

Arthur did as instructed and Merlin pulled them up his legs in an almost clinical manner yet his face was steadily turning pink in the cheeks. Arthur shuddered as Merlin’s knuckles scraped up his thigh. He dropped the gown so it wouldn’t be in the way, finding that being naked in front of Merlin felt like something old. As Merlin gave the boxers a quick adjustment around his hips Arthur spoke without much thought. “Are we lovers?” 

“What?!” Merlin half squawked, pulling his hands away from Arthur's hot skin. “No. Um no. We are not uh, that.” 

“Not what?” New words that Arthur had no previous name for came to mind. Gay. Homosexual. They were words that held nothing negative. Two men in love. “We’re not homosexuals?” 

“Lovers, Arthur! I meant we aren’t lovers.” Merlin felt like he would pass out. Trust Arthur to come back from the grave and ask Merlin questions that they hadn’t dared to ask for an entire lifetime. 

“But we are homosexuals?” Arthur continued. He seemed quite confused. 

Merlin snatched the sweatpants off the bed and bent over, gestured so that Arthur would step into them. Arthur placed a hand on top of Merlin’s head to balance himself and stepped into a pant leg. Merlin scooted it up his leg until it was all the way through like one would a toddler then they repeated. “I don’t know,” Merlin said, finally finding his voice again as he stood, “Are you a homosexual?” 

Arthur mulled it over. Merlin watched the shirtless blond, somehow still tan and muscular after a millennium dead. He borderline glowed and Merlin wanted to punch him for being so attractive and oblivious. Arthur on his part raked his eyes over Merlin, making him squirm. Merlin had been expecting a quick no, not this. “I’m not sure. I’ll have to find out.” 

“Jesus,” Merlin whispered and grabbed the T-shirt. Merlin opened it up and pulled it over his head, helped him put a hand through each sleeve. “There we go. You’re all dressed up.” 

“Have we had sex?” Arthur continued. 

Merlin closed his eyes and let out a sigh. “No, Arthur. We have not.” 

“Then why do I get the feeling you’ve seen me naked loads of times?” 

Merlin was sure he’d spontaneously combust any second. “Can I explain later?” 

Arthur quieted but his face was grumpy. For a moment Merlin was thrown to the past where Arthur would pout and sulk when he hadn’t gotten his way. Once again that heaviness in his chest returned, sitting there and refusing to let him take deep breaths. This man in front of him didn’t know they were best friends. He didn’t remember the ten years they spent glued to one another or the million life and death situations they escaped by the skin of their teeth. Destiny was a son of bitch. 

“Excuse me, you must be hungry. I’ll get us something to eat.” Merlin rushed past Arthur and walked to the kitchen, leaving the blond alone in the tornado that was his bedroom. 

Merlin stood in the kitchen, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the edge of the counter. His eyes were closed in an attempt to stop any tears that were welling up from escaping, but he couldn’t stop the way his body was trembling. He waited so long, so impossibly long, and still destiny denied him his friend. Arthur was here of course and there were moments when he caught a glimpse of who his friend was once, but it wasn’t the same.To Arthur, Merlin was just a stranger. 

“I’m sorry,” Arthur said, standing at the entryway of the kitchen and startling Merlin. 

“What for?” Merlin asked, trying his best to blink the wetness from his eyes away and smile. 

Arthur’s mouth thinned into a concerned line and he walked closer to Merlin. “You’re upset because I don’t remember you.” 

“No!” Merlin exclaimed and he shook his head as if the idea was silly. 

“But I do remember you.” 

Merlin stared at Arthur with wide eyes, all words stolen from his mind. 

One of Arthur’s hands came up and rested against his cheek. It had no callouses like it once did, instead it was soft and warm against Merlin’s stubbly face. “I don’t remember your name,” Arthur confessed, “but I remember _you_. I remember that you’re a good liar,” he said and tilted his head to the left a little sadly, “I remember you always made me believe you were happy even though you weren’t, and you would give me this very smile. I remember your real smile too and it’s the most beautiful thing I have any memory of.” 

At this point Merlin felt like he was choking, like all the breath was ripped right from his lungs. He tried to keep the smile on his face but it was cracking with each new word. 

“I remember ... “ Arthur said and inspected his face closely, “I remember how much I love you. I’m not sure who you are, but I know that each time I look at your face I understand I love you so, so, so much.” 

Now there were tears running down Merlin’s face and there was nothing he could do about it. Arthur’s thumb mindlessly wiped the tears away as continued. 

“I know you love me too,” Arthur whispered, “and I know that I can trust you, and for me, that’s all that matters.” 

With unending tenderness Arthur pulled Merlin into his arms, wrapping him up in a warm and strong embrace. His palms ran soothingly up and down Merlin’s shaking back and he pressed a kiss to a pale temple. 

Slowly but surely Merlin wrapped his arms around Arthur too, as if finally realizing that he could have this. He could have his best friend back. His fingers twined themselves in Arthur’s shirt and he held onto the other man desperately, afraid that if he let his hopes up too much Arthur would vanish before his very eyes. 

When the shaking subsided they remained standing in their embrace and Merlin marveled at how kind Arthur was being to him. He pulled back just enough to look at Arthur’s face, but didn’t let go. 

In a way losing his memory had been a gift to Arthur. Every little thing that always held him back from being who he was had disappeared and he was free to act on what he felt, more so with the sidhe gently nudging him to fulfill its purposes. 

Arthur had always been a softee and now there was no Uther in his head to tell him to act like a man. Eldrick put out another wave. _Kiss him. Kiss him._ Arthur didn’t listen to the impulse just yet, the fae’s hold not strong enough to force him. He wanted to make sure Merlin was alright and he didn’t know if kissing him would make things better or worse. 

“I’ll order us some take out and I’ll tell you everything, alright?” Merlin whispered in the space between them. 

For the first time in a while nervousness ran like static through Arthur’s limbs. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know everything. Once he found out he had a feeling things would no longer be as they were. Still, he needed to know. He nodded his head and placed a hand to Merlin’s cheek, Merlin leaned into the touch and closed his eyes. He wanted to enjoy this while it lasted.


	3. All The Stars Were Watching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur speak of the past.

Eldrick lounged at the base of Arthur’s head. Slowly but surely a nexus of blue veins reached out from his body and over Arthur’s brain. His mission remained the same: Return to Avalon and open the gateway from the outside. If he were being honest, Eldrick did not anticipate his mission would be too difficult. He had an angle most infiltrators can only wish for, the target was in love with the host body. 

Merlin lay on the floor of his living room between the couch and the coffee table. His long jean clad legs stretched out before him, his arms pillowing his head. He stared at the ceiling as he spilled his guts about who Arthur and Merlin once were to the man himself. Eldrick listened carefully, fascinated by all the drama in Emrys’s life. The fact that the two had been in love was glaringly obvious and he did not hesitate to push that impulse of thought onto Arthur. _We were in love._ Arthur, however, retained a surprising amount of control over his mind. He must’ve been the King of repressing his impulses once upon a time if his will power was anything to go by. 

“I’m not sure if you’re insane or I am,” Arthur murmured from his spot on the couch clutching a throw pillow. He wondered if maybe he was still in the hospital. Locked up on the psych patients floor. His dull reflection stared back at him on the dark telly, equally confused. 

A humorless laugh left Merlin. “I know what insanity is like. This isn’t it.” 

Arthur let the comment slide. “How am I supposed to believe all of that, Merlin? I mean, I want to, but it’s just …” 

“It’s a lot. I know.” 

How to make someone believe they were back from the dead? How to prove they were a King and you, their magical servant turned protector for ten glorious years? Then it came to Merlin. Images of himself through the ages when he first lost Arthur, using magic to project his memories and watch them over and over. 

“Maybe I can show you,” Merlin mused to himself, sitting up. He moved the coffee table littered with take out cartons and trash to the side. For his part, Arthur considered his first curry a success. 

“What do you mean? What are you doing?” Arthur dropped his cushion and scooted closer to the edge of the couch. 

“I figure since you lost your memories, maybe I can give you some of mine.” 

Merlin knelt next to the couch and shaped his hands like a beggar. Within his pleading palms he whispered words of the past, words too small and fragile for Arthur to hear. Slowly his eyes began to turn gold but not with the shining luster they once held, now they flickered like a dying lamp light. 

Arthur watched in awe as a little world made of gold began to form in Merlin’s hands. The golden sphere expanded and floated away from Merlin’s slender fingers until it was in the center of the living room. The blond stood and walked around it almost tripping on the coffee table. 

“Wow,” was all that he could articulate. 

Merlin said nothing and concentrated like his life depended on it because in a way it did. Little by little inside the giant bubble two human forms began to take shape. Merlin and Arthur in the middle of Camelot. 

Little Merlin extends a hand to Arthur who looks as smug as anyone has ever been. 

“Do I know you?” Arthur asks. The now present Arthur can’t believe the snark in his own voice. 

“No. I’m Merlin.” 

“And yet you called me friend.” 

“That was my mistake. I could never have a friend who was such an ass.” 

Arthur can’t help but laugh at little Merlin’s jibe. They trade more words and then Merlin is lunging at Arthur with a fist and the prince is twisting the offending arm behind his aggressors back. 

“Who do you think you are? The King?” Merlin gasps. 

“No. I’m his son, Arthur.” 

Something inside of Arthur twinges as he stares in awe. It’s their first meeting. It feels something like remembering but not quite. He has the sense he’s seen this play before but he doesn’t know where it goes or where it ends. It’s like the whispers of a song heard in passing long ago. 

Then the memories speed up, fragmented and urgent. Arthur scaling a cave wall as giant spiders chase him while Merlin dies miles away. Merlin’s eyes lighting like lightning and snapping branches onto the heads of those who would harm Arthur. Merlin fighting witches, bandits, being punched, poisoned, and pelted with fruit all on behalf of Arthur. 

A woman turns into a giant winged panther and Arthur kills her. Merlin mourns her at the lakeside and cries until he’s shaking. Merlin biting back tears for his father as he dies after a single day of meeting. Arthur fighting a losing battle against a dragon. Merlin commanding it with nothing more than his voice. 

Arthur falling in love. Arthur holding a dying father in his arms. Arthur being betrayed over and over again by those who he loved the most.

Memories are reeling now. Arthur bumping Merlin’s shoulder. The two laughing hysterically. Wrestling. Angry with one another. The knights of the roundtable. Gwen. Morgana. Uther. Merlin. Merlin. Merlin. Merlin. 

The sphere flickers and fuzzes out of existence. Arthur is left standing, dumbstruck by all that he’s seen. It almost hurts to see who he once was and who Merlin had been. Thick as thieves they once were and now all of that had been bleached away for some unknown reason. _Ask him how it ends_ a voice inside of him says. He wants to but when he finally gains control of his limbs again and turns to Merlin he sees the warlock leaning against the couch, pale as a sheet and breathing like he ran a mile. 

“Merlin what’s wrong?” Arthur’s saying and falling to his knees next to the man he once shared his life with. 

“I’m just tired,” he replied out of breath, “I haven’t practiced magic for quite some time.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Arthur admonished, “I wouldn’t’ve asked you to do that if I knew!” 

“I wanted to,” Merlin said, his breath evening out. 

The two shared a moment of silence, communicating through that ancient language humans can tap into once in a while when all the right things are there: eyecontact. 

_I knew you once._

_You did._

_I want to know you again._

_And I you, Arthur._

Arthur adjusted himself to mirror Merlin’s position against the couch. He let his head flop back onto the cushions. It’d been a long day and now he felt he had more questions than ever. He wanted to know every detail of the things he saw in Merlin’s magical orb. 

Outside the sun began its daily descent turning the sky red and pink. It’s weakening rays of light shone through the living room window and outlining Merlin’s profile in fire as Arthur looked at him. 

“Before I saw your memories I was less afraid,” he admitted, “Now I feel more curious and confused than ever.” 

“Why?” Merlin asked and looked to Arthur, their faces inches apart. 

“Because I don’t know who I am. The person sitting with you and the person you remember aren’t the same.” Secretly Arthur worried Merlin wouldn’t like who he had become. 

“Well of course not,” Merlin comforted, “Your world makes you, and your world is completely different now.” 

“Not completely, you’re here.” 

Merlin’s eyes skipped between Arthur’s eyes and lips. “We’ll figure out our way in this world. We always have. Together.” 

Arthur smiled, “I’m glad you’re here.” 

“Cheesy,” Merlin said but his insides did somersaults.

“Your face is cheesy!” 

Merlin laughed and bumped Arthur with his shoulder. Arthur bumped back. They’d done that before. In a moment of inspiration Merlin pushed himself up off the floor and went in search of wine to repeat another thing the two used to do. Arthur tracked his long limbs as they moved about on a mission. His white undershirt lifted as he raised his arms to grab something off the top shelf of a cupboard exposing pale skin at the base of his spine. 

“I know you have questions,” Merlin said, “but if I’m going to answer them then we’re both going to need some of this.” He turned back and walked toward Arthur, shaking the bottle of wine gently. With his teeth Merlin popped the cork and spit it out somewhere on the living room floor. Arthur tried suppressing his smile at the sight. 

Merlin stood in front of Arthur and offered up the first swig. In a second Arthur was gulping down a bitter mouthful. Merlin sat next to him and stole the bottle and pressed his mouth to where Arthur’s lips had been moments ago, he drank thirstily as Arthur looked on. 

“Okay,” Merlin said and put the bottle between them, “Ask anything you want.” 

Eldrick rejoiced, this was the perfect opportunity to get some information but he’d have to wait till Emrys was good and shitfaced. 

“Who was that woman I kept seeing?” 

“Which one?” 

“...Gwen.” 

Merlin smiled softly. “She was your wife and my best friend.”

Arthur reeled, he’d had a wife? He drifted toward the safety of teasing. “I thought I was your best friend.” 

Another swig before Merlin replied, Arthur watched as his throat worked. “You and I were something else, when I figure out the word for it I’ll let you know.” Secretly Merlin knew the word already but he didn’t want to tell himself, not now that Arthur was back and he could remember nothing. You can’t love a stranger back. 

“What was she like?” 

“She was formidable.” Merlin couldn’t help the way his heart sank and soared when he thought about Gwen. “I’ve never met anyone like her again. She was the kindest, toughest, most wonderful person I’ve run into in all my years of living. When you … were gone, and she became queen she ruled with an iron fist and yet the people loved her. She brought the kingdom to peace and prosperity through good strategy but compassion too. That woman was so smart it was scary.” 

Warmth spread through Arthur’s limbs and filled him up. “She sounds easy to love.” 

“She was. Is.” Merlin continued to love her to this day. 

“I can’t believe I used to be married. Did we have children?” 

“No, you were gone before you two really had the chance. But she went on to remarry. Sir Leon, a knight from your round table and childhood friend of you both. He was good to her and they had three children. I watched over them all until the last day Camelot survived.” 

“I’m not sure how I feel about her remarrying.” 

“Don’t be selfish,” Merlin chastised, “She was heartbroken for a long time.” 

“Well I’m sorry to have broken her heart, a woman like that doesn’t deserve any sadness.” 

Merlin seemed to struggle with something. Another swig and his words flowed easier, “She cheated on you once.” 

“What?!” 

“You banished her from the lands on pain of death.” 

“I can’t even begin to figure out how I’m supposed to be feeling.” 

“It wasn’t her fault,” Merlin shook his head, the room shifting pleasantly, “She was tricked into it by a witch. Gwen’s heart was too big for her own good. But you forgave her and you two got married. She loved you dearly.” 

“I must’ve been quite the charmer,” Arthur joked to drag Merlin away from the sullen mood he teetered into. 

“Ha! You were terrible!” Merlin laughed, “I’ve never seen anyone with less game. Honestly you were a giant dork, I’m not sure how you got a girl like Gwen.” 

“Oi!” Arthur exclaimed, “I’m sure I was as smooth as … uh.” 

“A cactus?” 

Arthur snatched the bottle from Merlin’s hands and drank then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “At least I didn’t have a stupid haircut.” 

Merlin snorted, “Alright I’ll give you that one but in my defense it was the middle ages.” 

“There is no defense for that hair, Merlin. None.” 

“Wow even without your memories you’re an ass. Good to know that’s a natural part of your character.” 

“Shut it old man.” 

Merlin grinned so hard his cheeks hurt. Dear Gods was life sweet sometimes, especially when you least expect it to be. 

“Is it alright if we finish talking about this another day?” Arthur asked. Outside the sky turned to a purple, white pinpoint stars appearing. Arthur was tired and his body was taxed from it’s intruder. Not to mention his heart. He kept up good spirits but slowly all the new knowledge was filling him up again and weighing him down. How the past has a way of doing that. 

“Yes please.” 

Arthur pulled Merlin to lay down on the rug. It was scratchy and the floor was hard and Merlin wouldn’t have traded it for anywhere else as long as he got to be next to Arthur. The blond closed his eyes and settled his hands on his tummy. “Tell me about your life now. How did you find me?” 

Merlin took advantage of Arthur’s closed eyes and recorded every bit of his face in his mind. How could Merlin have forgotten even a single freckle on that face? “I’m a paramedic now, have been for eight years.” 

As Merlin rambled, something in Arthur grew anxious. _Ask him what he did after you died. Ask him about the sidhe._ He barely understood what that meant and so he pushed it away and focused on the soothing sound of Merlin’s deep voice. He didn’t need to remember, he knew that voice in his very bones. He had a feeling he drifted off to the sound of it on many nights before. 

“You were the last person I expected to see there. After a thousand five hundred years I was sure you weren’t coming back … sorry about that.” 

“I don’t mind, that is a very long time. Why did you think I was coming back in the first place? Dead people tend to stay dead.” 

Merlin drifted off into the faraway land he went to when life was too heavy. In the little time Arthur had been around he’d noticed Merlin do it many times, he wanted him to stay by his side but he didn’t know how to call Merlin back from that place. 

“An old friend told me you would return when Albion’s need was greatest. I was hopeful for a long time but then Albion itself ceased to exist.” 

Arthur turned to face Merlin only to find he was already looking at him. They lay with their shoulder touching, their faces now inches apart. The mutual examination didn’t feel strange somehow. They were both drinking in as much as of the familiar stranger as they could, seeking memories in the lines of each other’s faces. 

“So why am I back now?” 

Merlin’s stomach flopped, “I don’t know.” 

The two remained like that, eyes now closed. Neither acknowledged it but to part from one another was unimaginable. Arthur was in a new world, one where only Merlin felt familiar. Merlin couldn’t bear to part from Arthur’s side, he’d already had to face the sharp loneliness of his absence for a millenium, there was no way he would leave again. 

Merlin listened to Arthur’s steady breathing and fought the urge that rose within him to shed a tear. How could it be? Arthur, the real deal, here by his side and alive. Merlin was as brave as he’d ever been and moved his left hand ever so slightly till it bumped Arthur’s right hand. He slid his fingers around the blonds wrist and pressed the pads to his pulse. With each strong rush of blood Merlin thanked destiny for this moment of happiness. 

Arthur didn’t pull away but the heat of Merlin’s hand was hard to ignore. “What are you doing?” 

“Nothing.” 

Arthur knew it wasn’t nothing but he let Merlin keep holding him. The warmth of the wine and the luster of the stars helped him drift to sleep after a long and tiring day. Merlin, next to him, also slipped into slumber and for the first time in a thousand years slept with Arthur by his side like he used to, under the stars and cocooned in each other’s warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was pretty short but I wanted to get something to you guys. Hope you enjoyed it, come talk to me if you feel like it! :)


	4. A Long Way Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eldrick pushes his cause.

Monday comes with a splendid sunrise and dreaded hangover. When Merlin finally stirs pain radiates from his shoulder where it’s been squished against the hard floor all night. The light streaming in delicately through the shades are like ice picks to his retina. He tries to groan but his throat is as dry as the sahara and instantly his head is punishing him for his consciousness with a hammering at his skull. 

He recognizes the hangover better than he should but he can’t recall why he got so drunk last night. He pushes himself off the rug, peels his eyes open. The room spins around him and his stomach heaves. He has seconds to get to the bathroom but when he goes to stand he freezes in place. There is a body next to him. Warm and rising with soft restful breaths.

The light bathes Arthur and it touches his eyelashes, streams over his cheeks like a soft caress. Arthur is alive. That’s so difficult for Merlin to believe and in an instant he’s sobered up. For a moment he questions whether it’s creepy to watch someone sleep but that train of thought flies out of the window almost as soon as it appears. Merlin and Arthur had never been normal and now wasn’t the time to start. 

Looking at the peaceful expression of the King’s face Merlin’s future became crystal clear. His future was here, sleeping on the ground like a log. Arthur had always had a talent for sleeping in uncomfortable places. Merlin would quit his job, it’s not like he needed the money, and he would dedicate his life to Arthur again. 

Arthur’s nose twitched and he mumbled something, turned over onto his back and rested his hands on his belly. There was nothing in this world that Merlin wanted more than to stay with Arthur. The pounding his head returned like the tide to the shore, his throat screamed for water and his bladder threatened to explode but he wouldn’t move from the blond’s side. Merlin was born to serve Arthur and he knew that now with more certainty than he ever had. 

“Arthur,” he whispered. He leaned forward and placed a hand on Arthur’s shoulder, shaking him slightly. “I have to go somewhere.” 

“Mmph,” Arthur answered, his head lolling to rest on the hand on his shoulder. His stubbly cheek grazed Merlin’s knuckles. 

“Up you get lazy daisy,” Merlin said, barely holding back a smile. 

Arthur’s eyelids fluttered open and his eyes found Merlin’s face in that lazy half asleep way the warlock had forgotten. “Five more minutes,” he asked. 

Now Merlin smiled full blown and his heart skipped a beat as Arthur returned it with a sleepy quirk of the lips. “You sleep as much as you want. I have to go to work but I’ll be back soon enough.” 

“Mmm,” Arthur answered and turned away, settling in on the floor like it was a king sized mattress lined with furs. 

Getting dressed never felt so perfunctory, Merlin’s life now felt small compared to what it had been once upon a time in a Kingdom named Camelot. Small compared to what it could be … He squashed that line of thinking with a harsh blow. He glared at himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth. He and Arthur had always been friends and Merlin could be more than fine with that, Arthur was back, what more could he ask for? 

Merlin tiptoed around the flat collecting his keys and phone, toeing on his trainers. He wasn’t dressed in his uniform. Instead he wore jeans and flannel, converse on his feet. As he closed the door and skipped down the steps by twos a funny feeling bloomed in his stomach. He couldn’t tell if it was good or bad. 

The sun slipped behind gray clouds and the sky transformed into that familiar grey slate. Merlin always felt strange when he stared up at it too long, it felt like looking into eternity. The walk to the tube was a short one and the ride to the station even shorter. 

As he approached the building he spotted Wilma already there, rag in hand wiping down their ambulance. She rubbed at a spot on the taillight as if it’d personally offended her. Watching her familiar stalky shape as she worked shot a pang into Merlin’s heart. He was moving on with his life, hopefully to better things but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t miss some parts of the life he’d made for himself now. Perhaps he could work again when Arthur was more accustomed to the world. 

He walked up behind her, “Morning, Wilma.” 

“Merlin!” She cheered and turned. Her face blossomed with confusion when she saw how he was dressed. 

“I have news,” Merlin said, stopping in front of her. His face and its guilt gave him away before his words did. 

“Is everything alright?” Wilma knew before he said it but still she asked, hoping she was wrong. Hoping Merlin might stay. They’d worked together for many years and though he was far younger than her they’d become fast friends. He worked like someone with a lifetime of experience and he was one of the kindest friends she’d ever made. 

“I have to quit,” he spit out. 

It floated between them. Her face crumpled and she looked down at her shoes, a strangely young gesture from a woman in her fifties. Her ginger hair fell over her face and hid her from Merlin’s scrutiny. “Why?” 

Merlin opened and closed his mouth, he should’ve prepared an answer before he got to the station but he’d been too wrapped up in his thoughts. The love of my life came back to life after a thousand five hundred years of death, the legendary King Arthur actually, and I need to be with him. Was that too much? “My friend,” Merlin began. 

“From yesterday?” She asked. A clarity showed in her eyes that embarrassed Merlin in the way it’s always embarrassing to be known. She was an older woman, one that had loved and lost more than a few times in her life. She knew love when she saw it and she worried Merlin was blindly diving into something that would leave him broken. 

“Yes.” Merlin reached forward and took her hands in his. “My friend is sick and I need to stay with him until he gets better but that might be some time yet.” 

“Isn’t quitting your job hasty?” She said it without judgment and looked at him like a concerned mother looks at their child. 

“I’ll be alright, Wilma. This is something I need to do both for him and for me.” 

She freed one of her hands and patted his cheek. Her eyes expressed the sadness that she hid with her words, “You’ve always been a good friend. He’s lucky to have you.” 

“I’ll come back when he’s better,” Merlin offered. 

Wilma herself had promised more than a few people to visit, to call, to come back but life gets in the way. We get in the way. She knew leaving people behind was a part of life. “I’ll save your spot in the truck,” She said. 

Merlin beamed at her before walking in to have a similar conversation with the chief. When he left the station he left an unemployed civilian and ten pounds lighter. 

\----------------------

Tuesday: 

Their time is spent meeting each other all over again, pushing through the phase of shyness with a new friend. Merlin gets to know a new Arthur, one that’s less stubborn and more free. This Arthur listens to Merlin, he’s never been a king and he lacks the arrogance that he has the right to. 

Merlin stays by his side the entire time teaching him how to use the microwave and the TV. Arthur considers these two to be the best inventions about the modern world yet. Merlin shares a little more of the past and Arthur gets a fuller picture of the man he used to be. 

Arthur used to be a King and Knight, and not half bad at either if Merlin had anything to say about it. He was married to a woman named Guienvere who used to be a maidservant. She cheated with a Knight named Sir Lancelot who later on died saving Arthur’s life. He forgave her and they grew to be happy anyway, their love strong. Gwen was an amazing queen.

He used to have a half sister named Morgana who was a seer and possessed magic. The tyranny and oppression over magical people drove her to insanity and she killed Uther, his father, and then tried to kill him. In a way she succeeded through Mordred, the boy who ran Arthur through. Merlin kills Morgana but it was too late, Arthur wasn’t going to make it. 

That’s the part of the story Merlin stops at. His face blanks over and his eyes turn to stone as if even the memory of it is too grotesque to picture in his mind. Arthur doesn’t push for it but something inside of him yearns to hear of his own death and more importantly about what came after. 

Eldrick sends wave after wave of impulse to Arthur. _Ask. Ask. Ask._ Arthur remains strong and leads Merlin away from the pain. Eldrick continues to expand, settling his hooks deeper into Arthur’s brain. Soon. 

“I want some of this popped corn you were telling me of earlier,” Arthur says. 

Instantly Merlin’s face changes, he’s looking at Arthur like he’s an idiot but he can’t hide his happiness. “You want popcorn?” 

“It sounds delicious!” Arthur states, “Besides that means we get to use the microwave again.” 

The two stand in front of the microwave like children, watching as a bag of popcorn expands. Arthur observes with excitement as the bag spins on the dish being evenly heated on all sides. “And you said this wasn’t magic?” He asks as the bag gives a particularly loud pop. 

Merlin for his part is watching Arthur instead of the popcorn. “Right. Magic isn’t a very reliable resource, besides no one uses it anymore. This is electromagnetic radiation.” 

Arthur understands the words separately but he can’t quite understand what they mean together, probably because Merlin doesn’t quite understand how it works either. 

The bag looks like it’s ready to pop itself and finally the microwave beeps. Arthur beats Merlin to the button and pushes it with gusto, enjoying the way the little door springs open. He reaches in and takes out the bag, it starts to burn his palms in seconds. 

“Ow!” He yells and drops the bag. 

Merlin catches it mid air and places it on the counter. He looks disappointed in Arthur, even a person with a brain injury should understand the concept of hot things but then again Merlin could hardly blame Arthur. He’d only been alive for three days … technically. 

“That was dumb,” Arthur says and look at Merlin with a crooked smile. 

“You said it,” Merlin says and takes Arthur’s hands in his own, turns the palms up. They’re slightly pink but not burned in the least. He looks up and catches Arthur’s eyes. He drops the hands that rest so softly on his own. “Time to try it.” 

The bag rips open with a gust of hot air as Merlin tugs on the sides. The delicious buttery aroma wafts into the air and lures Arthur in closer to the bag. 

“Can I?” Arthur asks, impatient as a toddler. 

“It’s hot.” 

He reaches in anyway and tosses the hot popcorn into his mouth. He chews it and blows out the hot air like a dragon. 

“Shh-ah-shh-ah,” Arthur says, making silly sounds as he tries to rid his mouth of the heat. “Oh, God,” he cries “It’s so hot but so good.” 

Merlin laughs and eats a piece, copies Arthur’s chewing. He’s reminded of Killghara as he blows out the hot air. 

“Stop that!” Arthur yells as Merlin teases him. 

“Shh-AH!” Merlin says and cackles. 

Arthur reaches in the bag and pulls out a warm handful. He throws it at Merlin and laughs as the popcorn bounces off his head and gets stuck in his curls. 

“Arse,” Merlin growls. 

Merlin and Arthur run around the kitchen throwing popcorn at each other and laughing like fools. Arthur decides he most certainly liked popcorn afterall, especially if Merlin is there to share it with him. 

****

Days move the fastest when we’re having fun, before either of them know it the sky outside has turned sweet and dark as a plum. A silence falls over them that was missing all day among questions and laughter. 

They stand in Merlin’s bedroom and get ready for sleep. Merlin helps Arthur into his pajamas as quickly as he can. Neither say a word and Arthur watches intently as Merlin moves. His head goes through this hole, his arms through the others. The pants slide up his legs, cling to his hips. Arthur finds it interesting how Merlin does it all without really looking at him. 

Merlin stands straight after adjusting the drawstring on Arthur’s waist and pinkens a little. He needs to change too but in the still air of his bedroom the shyness is back. Arthur snorts and walks away to let Merlin change. 

Unlike Merlin, Arthur watches with interest as Merlin changes. His gaze isn’t perverted, instead it runs over Merlin’s pale back as an observer reads the brushstrokes of a painting. A rippling muscle here, a stretch of smooth skin there. 

In his head Merlin fears Arthur will go to the couch and leave him all alone. However, when he turns he finds Arthur under the covers, his eyes glued to Merlin. He swallows. 

“What?” Merlin asks and nears his side of the bed. He crawls under the covers and instantly curses the heat that radiates off of Arthur and touches his side. 

“Tell me more of the past,” Arthur asks. 

Merlin looks tired. 

“Something good,” Arthur asks. Eldrick hates the way Arthur always steers Merlin away from talk of his death, it only delays the mission. 

Like a snake burrowing in the hot sand Merlin snuggles into the pillows and blankets, looks up at the ceiling in the low lamplight. “This is the story of when your father married a troll,” and his eyes spark to life with gold. 

Arthur watches a movie just for him on the ceiling. His father hand in hand with a troll, hearts in his eyes. Arthur and Merlin laugh so hard they cry, wheezing and wiping at the tears on their sore cheeks. They fall asleep that night with Merlin showing Arthur their crazy adventures.

\---------------------

Wednesday: 

Hot water streams down Merlin’s face as he stands under the spray of the shower head. He lathers shampoo into his thick hair and tries to sort out his thoughts. He takes so long the water steams the glass door of the shower and the mirror. 

This morning he woke up tangled with Arthur. Thinking of it now makes Merlin want to cry and so he does. It’s not full on sobbing, it’s just a little pity party that Merlin has every right to. He’s an idiot is the problem, an idiot who can’t breathe when he thinks of the warmth of Arthur’s limbs around him. The way their legs tangled together. The way Arthur’s lips rested against his neck, his hair silky soft against the underside of Merlin’s chin. 

He hates himself for loving Arthur in a way that is eternal. He tells himself friendship has always been enough but even now he knows it’s a lie. It never was enough. He’d forgotten how bad the yearning truly was. 

He never wanted to let Arthur go, what he would give to embrace Arthur like that when they were awake. Then Arthur rolled away and the fantasy was broken. 

Merlin rinsed his hair and scrubbed at his face roughly. 

Arthur sits on the edge of the bed and wonders why everywhere Merlin touched is still tingling. It’s as if he can feel the outlines of Merlin’s skin still on him. Maybe it’s magic. 

When Merlin comes out of the bathroom with red eyes he tells Arthur he got soap in them. Arthur is confronted for the first time with the dejavu of being lied to. Merlin always was a good liar. Arthur feels as if he got soap in his own eyes. 

\-------------------------

Thursday: 

“Hold still,” Merlin says as Arthur squirms on his makeshift seat on the closed lid of the toilet. 

“It hurts,” Arthur whines. 

He still scraped up from his awakening on Sunday. The bruise on his cheek is turning a yellow brown and the scrapes on his forearms and palms of his hands are scabbing over. Merlin dabs arnica cream on the bruise and rolls his eyes as Arthur winces. He can’t believe this is the same man that used to charge into war, that is until they make eye contact and Arthur’s glaring at him like if he had a sword he’d run him through. 

“I’m sorry!” Merlin says, “But I’ve got to do this. It’ll heal better this way.” 

Arthur’s lips thin but he doesn’t stop Merlin. His hands are soft and gentle on his face. 

“I want to go outside today,” Arthur says. 

Merlin’s hands freeze for a moment, giving his hesitation away, “Why?” 

“We’ve been cooped up in your flat for five days,” Arthur argues. 

Merlin realizes he’s been keeping Arthur prisoner … sort of, because he’s so afraid of anything bad happening to him again. “We’ll go to the park,” he offers, “you’ll like it there.” 

“Are there trees?” Arthur asks, “I think I miss them. Is that strange?” 

A snort, “Yes there are trees. When I first moved to the city I missed trees too. Almost none of the old ones are left around the world … well there’s a secret forest or two that man hasn’t got to yet but I’ll be damned if I lead them to it.” 

Arthur looked at Merlin as the warlock knelt in front of him and rubbed some of the cream over the scabbing scrapes on his palms. He was good at caring for people. Caring for Arthur. “Will you take me there some day?” 

Merlin’s stomach flip flopped. He and Arthur could travel the world together. “If you’re nice to me.” 

Arthur laughed, “I guess we’re never going.” 

Their eyes lock and mirth fills the bathroom and spills into the hallway. Arthur and Merlin have a lot of hidden forests to explore. 

\-------------

Friday: 

Breakfast is eggs and bacon and Arthur watches intently as Merlin cooks with precision. Merlin is very good at a lot of things Arthur is coming to find, he’s funny too. And smart. _And handsome,_ some part of him says. 

If Arthur were at any other point in his life that thought might scare the crap out of him but he’s not. There’s no Uther in his head or church in his head or toxic masculinity, only a small blue Sidhe helping him figure out the things he already knows. He stares shamelessly as Merlin moves through the kitchen and examines him. The stubble on his chin should make him look like a slob but it doesn’t. 

Merlin looks rough and sultry. His hair is wild around his head and Arthur has the urge to run his hands through it. Merlin’s is tall and lithe and Arthur wants to map his long limbs with his fingers and lips. 

The thing is, Arthur knows Merlin would let him. He’s listened to their stories of the past, he’s seen how they used to look at one another. The sidhe knows it too and he whispers it to Arthur over and over. But the little blue man does not call it lust, he labels it love with capital letters. 

As Merlin drops bacon into a frying pan and runs away from the popping grease Arthur thinks he can still feel it. He knows he loves him. The question is, what’s stopping them now? 

“You’re going to love bacon,” Merlin says and smiles at him. 

“It smells delicious,” Arthur replies. 

Merlin stands in the center of the kitchen, one thousand five hundred years old, and remains as oblivious as the first day the two met. “Of course I have to do the work as usual.” He teases. A week and Merlin’s joy has not worn off. Still, he won’t let Arthur get a big head about it. 

Arthur opens his mouth to say something snarky but all it takes is a second for things to change and he’s letting out an agonized gurgle. Something is terribly wrong and the room is blacking out. His eyes roll to the back of his head and he falls to the floor, seizing. 

“Arthur!” Merlin cries and runs to his side. 

Arthur’s arms are stiff and his legs jerk. The muscles in his stomach and arms expand and contract indiscriminately transforming him into something terrifying to view. When he finally stops his eyes remain half closed and staring far away, his breathing is ragged and a small whine leaves him. 

“Arthur please!” Merlin’s seen hundreds of people have seizures before in his line of work but when it’s Arthur he can’t bear it. All his training goes out of the window and he panics. He’s not quite sure what he’s asking of the blonde but he keeps whispering ‘please’ like begging will make this better. 

He tries to get a look at his pupils. They’re little pinpoints. He’s still seizing. 

Inside of him a battle rages. Externally Arthur has been calm and curious but inwardly he has been subconsciously fighting the Sidhe every step of the way. Eldricks hold advanced at a slower pace than he would’ve liked. Merlin was the perfect target, he was gullible beyond belief when it came to Arthur, but Arthur on the other hand? A nightmare host. 

Still, Brileea didn’t send Eldrick for no reason. He’s good at what he does and he has more than a few tricks up his sleeve. Many things weaken a person’s resolve, people are fickle at the best of times. Intoxication often works but Eldrick tried that and Arthur withstood him. He also tried lust and love for Merlin but that seemed to have the opposite effect, it only strengthened Arthur’s compassion and led Eldrick away from the information he wanted. 

He needed to get Merlin to the Lake of Avalon and Arthur had to be willing to cause Merlin some pain in the process. He knew exactly how to do it now. 

Eldrick stopped stimulating the hippocampus of Arthur’s brain and the seizure died. 

Arthur breathed like a sick dog on the verge of vomiting. Merlin turned him on his side so he won’t choke if he does. “Come on, Arthur,” Merlin pleads. 

“Merlin,” Arthur rasps out, eyes blinking open. 

Merlin places a hand on Arthurs’s fevered cheek, “I’m right here. I think we should take you back to the hospital.” 

With Arthur weak and half unconscious Eldrick takes the reins, he uses Arthur’s mouth to voice his own ideas. “No. Take me to Avalon, please Merlin.” 

The warlock almost recoils. He hates to think of that place, that’s where he first lost Arthur. Besides, long ago he closed the passageway to the Sidhe so it was pointless to take Arthur there, no magic would be healing him. 

Merlin sat and cradled Arthur’s head so it wouldn’t rest against the harsh ground. “Don’t talk, save your energy.” 

“I need to go there,” Eldrick said. 

Merlin’s skin crawled as Arthur pleaded. The blond couldn’t possibly understand what he was asking for. “Shhh,” Merlin consoled and ran his hand through Arthur’s hair. The sidhe cursed as he felt Arthur regaining his strength and squashing his control. He leaned against Merlin and closed his eyes and Eldrick could speak no more. 

Breakfast would have to wait. The transition to the bed was not an easy one but Merlin managed it with some magical strength. The feat left him tired and panting in the spot next to Arthur. Still his words echoed in Merlin’s mind, that wretched place slowly growing in his head like moss on a rock. The lake of Avalon spread fog through his mind and swallowed Arthur whole, refusing to give him back. 

“Are you alright?” Arthur mumbled. 

Merlin pulled himself back from that brink often teetered on, “I don’t think you’re the one who should be asking that question. I still think we need to get you back to the hospital.” 

“I like it here better.” 

Merlin held his tongue for as long as he could which is to say a very short time. “Why did you ask me to take you to the lake?” 

Arthur thought about it but he could barely recall the words, in his mind they seem foreign and far away, “I’m not sure.” 

That wasn’t enough for Merlin but he didn’t push the subject, speaking of that place was the last thing he wanted to do. Almost as if Arthur sensed this he went on. 

“I think I’m supposed to go there but I’m not sure why. I can’t even say I know where it is but something inside me in saying I need to go there. That it’s the only way I’ll get better.” 

It was as if someone dunked a bucket of ice water on Merlin. “That doesn’t make sense.” 

“Why not?” Arthur asked but really it was Eldrick who exploited his curiosity. Eldrick knew why and his ‘why not’ was not so much a question as it was a challenge. ‘Why not Emrys?’ he was asking, ‘What did you do?’ 

“It’s a long story.” Merlin stared up and made shapes out on the popcorn ceiling. 

Sluggishly Arthur turned onto his side so that he was looking at Merlin’s sharp profile. “I think we have the time.” 

Merlin looked to Arthur and there he saw something warm. Back then he was too young to recognize it, now he was too old. His insides squirmed at Arthur’s words because it was true; they did have the time. Arthur was here and they were laying in bed and his blue eyes were staring into Merlin and laying him bare. 

“It doesn’t make sense because there is no magic left there. Once upon a time I could’ve taken you there and healed you with it’s magical waters but that’s no longer the case.” 

Elrick buzzed with anger. “Why is there no magic if there used to be?” 

Merlin swallowed, this was one of his biggest regrets. “Because of me.” 

The words fell heavy on the room and Eldrick stored them in his heart. _Because of me._ He allowed Merlin to simmer in his own guilt. 

“It was over five hundred years ago,” Merlin explained like his youth and rashness should be reason enough alone but they weren’t, “In the lake lived a race of people named Sidhe. Their King had a disdain for people they way Uther had a disdain for the magical. He wanted to wipe out the human race and the problem was, unlike Uther, he had the power to do it. Well almost. 

He needed me. My connection to the earth magics was the key to killing all the humans and releasing all the Sidhe from Avalon so they could live on the surface. Of course I said no. The King didn’t like to take no for an answer. He tried to go ahead without me. 

I was forced to destroy the passageway between Avalon and our world. In the middle of the lake sat a tower, that tower was the passageway and so I blasted it to hell. Then I cemented the blown chunks into place with magic and filled the gap left in the lithosphere. Like a rockslide at the mouth of a cave, the King and his legion of magical armies were closed in.” 

Arthur took in all the information, to him it sounded like a good thing, Merlin had saved the world. “If you did so much good then why do you sound so tortured?” 

Merlin sat up and shuffled back so that his back was pressed to the headboard. He rested his elbows on his knees and placed his head in his hands. “Because,” was as much as he could get out. In the many years he lived, never once had he been forced to articulate his immense guilt and now faced with Arthur he wasn’t even sure what words to use. 

With a careful hand Arthur reached out and pressed Merlin’s thigh. “You can tell me.” 

The touch was warm and sturdy and with it came the strength he needed to continue. “Because I condemned an entire race of people to be trapped because of the choices of a few.” 

Eldrick’s anger swooped low and turned into something else, something close to pity but not quite. It felt good to know Emrys was tortured by his actions. It seemed like he didn’t understand the havoc he wreaked upon them when he closed that gateway. He concentrated on sending his will over Arthur. _My death. What happened after my death?_

“Is that where I was?” Arthur asked. 

“Yes. They were meant to keep and heal you for the day you needed to come back.” 

“But they didn’t?” 

“It’s not that easy.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“They kept you but … for a long time I thought it was my fault.” Merlin’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat, tried to blink away the moisture that threatened to collect at the corners of his eyes. “I thought if I closed the passageway you wouldn’t be able to come back either.” 

The information shocked Arthur. Merlin thought he’d trapped Arthur in that hostile underground world. Merlin’s hunched shoulders told him he was waiting for Arthur’s hate. Arthur did not hate Merlin. “I’m glad you made the hard choice when I wasn’t there to help you.” 

Merlin’s head snapped to Arthur, “I left you!” 

“You saved my people.” 

Eldrick took back the reins, he needed Merlin’s guilt at full force and he couldn’t have Arthur spoiling this with understanding. _What about the Sidhe?_ he hissed. 

“What happened to the Sidhe?” 

“What do you mean?” 

_You trapped them. You took away their magic._ “You took their magic.” 

Merlin paled, “No they still have magic.” 

Idiot. Eldrick railed against Arthur’s body. _You took their power source away. Their magic is dying._ “If you destroyed their tower and way to this world where the Earth magics rest, did you not take away their magic?” 

The moments passed and the horror dawned onto Merlin’s face. He sat up straighter like a dog at attention, “No. No that’s not possible. Their magic comes from …” 

“The crystal caves.” Arthur concluded. Eldrick knew so Arthur knew. 

The crystal caves were the birthplace of all magic. It turned into many species and races as life grew up and away from its beginnings much like life on Earth exploded with variety after its first breaths. Without access to it slowly but surely their magic was dying away. In another thousand years they would be magicless. 

“How do you know that?” Merlin deflected. 

“I don’t know. There are a lot of things I know and I’m not sure why. You said yourself that was my resting place for a long time, maybe I learned a thing or two in the afterlife.” 

Merlin accepted the terrible answer. The magnitude of what he’d done prevented him from searching further into Arthur’s psyche. Could it really be that he cut off the Fae’s magic? 

Arthur didn’t need Elrick to push him this time. “We need to fix this.” 

“I don’t know how,” Merlin breathed. 

Eldrick pushed Arthur. _Comfort_ he said. Comfort and then action, Eldrick would get them that passage way if it was the last thing he ever did. The answer to Arthur’s earlier question came to him then: Nothing. There was nothing stopping them now. 

Arthur sat up and moved to kneel in front of Merlin. He leaned down and placed a single chaste kiss on Merlin’s mouth. 

Merlin pulled back wide eyed and open mouthed, “What are you doing?” 

Arthur chased his mouth, touched lips to lips once more until Merlin relaxed against him. He trembled under the steady pressure of Arthur’s mouth. The blond opened his lips, slowly let them shut against Merlin’s and in a moment Merlin was there, kissing back like he’d needed this for a thousand years. 

His hands went to the sides of Arthur’s face, holding him, pulling him forever closer. Arthur pulled away, pecked Merlin’s mouth as if weaning him off. 

“We need to go back,” Eldrick whispered through Arthur, stronger now that the two men were drunk off the kiss. 

“No,” Merlin shook his head. 

Another kiss, this time a small sound falling broken from Merlin. The sound of the two parting. 

“Please,” Arthur panted against Merlin’s mouth. 

“Come with me,” Merlin begged and swallowed. He knew Arthur was right, at least to some extent. 

Arthur cradled Merlin’s face in his hands. “Of course.” He smiled, a smile self satisfied and vengeful. Eldrick’s smile on Arthur’s swollen lips. 

Emrys would take them there soon enough and he would blast the gateway open. He would be wholly unprepared for the legions who still waited in that figurate cave. Briefly Elrick thought about how unwise destiny had been when it gifted Merlin so much power and such a big weakness to exploit. Arthur would be Merlin’s downfall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that Arthur is a little out of character but it's because of his possession. Eldrick is a scoundrel!


End file.
